Wisdom Wednesday – Decisions

This past week I was faced with a big decision to make – and by past week, I mean I have been debating it for almost a month now.  However, time was running out to actually make the decision and not have it made for me.  When I first saw the opportunity on Facebook I thought the answer was yes, and then suddenly it turned to no, it’s not for me.  At that point I thought the decision had been made.  It wasn’t until a turn of events occurred, more information was revealed, and the opportunity was once again something I wanted to pursue.

So what was this big decision? 

It was an invite to spend a week in Bali with a group of women, some who I know and others I have never met before, at a wonderful retreat.  The decision was two-fold, (1) whether to go to the retreat or not, and (2) if I didn’t go, what about meeting up with my friends after for a trip and touring Bali?

The switch from a strong NO to having the decision back on the table will have to be reserved for another Wednesday, as there are lots of bits of wisdom sparkling throughout it.  For tonight, I wanted to talk about making the decision and the freedom that comes with declaring it, finalizing it, making it real. 

My head had been spinning for about 2 weeks, should I go, shouldn’t I go – it is a lot of money, it is a valuable experience.  This is when two techniques appeared – neither of them difficult or revolutionary, yet both super powerful.  

The first came from a friend who recommended that I write out everything that was good about going and everything that is bad about it.  Now, as a solid supporter of the PRO/CON list, I was totally on board.  However, there were 2 major differences in what I had been doing and what I was instructed to do.  The first was to write down, what is good, what is bad, and then repeat – what is good, what is bad...and continue doing this until there was nothing left to say.  The interesting insight I found when I started to write my list was certain things came up again and again – so instead of writing it once like on a PRO/CON list, I wrote it down each time it came up.  The other wisdom came from actually writing it down.  I wasn’t trying to remember if I had “count” something as good or bad, I just kept writing until there was nothing left to say.  When I was finished I had three pages of the good and the bad – and a clear mind, no chatter, no mental math, just clarity. 

That was STEP 1...

The next step I borrowed from Danielle LaPorte, who had just been interviewed by Marie Forleo about the concept of goals and core desired feelings (check out the video here: http://www.marieforleo.com/2013/12/danielle-laporte-goals-desire/#more-5494) 

Danielle talks about using desires or feelings, instead of end results when setting goals.  So I sat down with pen and paper and started to write how I wanted to feel in life.  Now, this is very much the rapid fire version of what Danielle talks about; however, there was a decision to be made and I did not feel like time was on my side.  With a little bit of extra insight from Danielle’s book The Desire Map, I went to Dictionary.com to figure out what the true meaning of some of the words highlighted on my list were.  The two that stood out the most for me were – ALIVE and INSPIRE. 

With my “Good-Bad” list, two core desired feelings, and a clear mind – the decision was easy.  The break down went like this -  I have been talking like I am going, the value and the “good” are strong enough to overcome the “bad”, it aligns with feeling ALIVE and INSPIRED, and the answer is just YES.  It became so simple, so clear, so right for me.  I put action behind the decision and made my deposit – solidifying my YES even further.

The freedom that came with the decision was like a weight off my shoulders.  As I met up with friends that night to tell them the news and celebrate the holiday season, I got one of the best compliments ever – “You are glowing.”  The wonderful wisdom from this experience; a clear decision from the heart – sets me free! 

The wisdom for this Wednesday can be summarized as this:

Write down the information swirling in your head in whatever technique works for you.  Do not limit yourself to one decision-making technique; keep trying till you find what works.  Concentrate on the feelings you want and whether the opportunity in question will bring you closer to those feelings.  And above all else, make the decision that is right for YOU!

Wisdom Wednesday - Change

As I left work tonight I was composing this entry in my mind – a new idea, to spread wisdom on Wednesday’s about different things I am learning and share the knowledge with others.  As I drifted off into my own little world on the bus, figuring out what I would write, I had my idea all ready to go.

And then .....

I went to the gym. 

The topic I was going to discuss today, the original one – it is not ready – it is still in the process of being developed.  Though I do have words of wisdom to share from a workshop I went to this fall.  The workshop was a weekend spent with a diverse group of women who shared knowledge and time together.  One conversation in particular popped up in my mind today, a conversation I had sitting under the full moon in the middle of the country.  The topic was about deciding to move forward in life and how to choose which way to go. 

The question – how do you go from stuck, to moving forward, when you fear that you will make the wrong choice?

The answer I received was insightful and I must give credit to Jannette Anderson for these words.  When the pain of being stuck is simply too much and exceeds the pain or fear of making a wrong choice – that is when you will get up and move forward.  It is like sitting in the middle of a room full of doors (or choices), you can choose to stay sitting or try a door.  There is nothing wrong with choosing to stay in the middle and look at the options.  The change will occur when sitting in the middle is more uncomfortable then making any choice, even the wrong choice, to try a door and something new.  In other words, when the unknown is less uncomfortable then the known– you simply open a door and try a new path – moving towards a new location.  Tonight, I choose to try a door.

My current struggle is that I no longer feel strong – I cannot keep up with the activities I use to do and I feel weak, both inside and out.  In addition, I struggle with the reality that the clothes in my closet are getting tighter and I really dislike shopping.  Tonight as I sat in my house debating whether to go to the gym and work out or stay home and do something else – the words of wisdom came to me.  My inner voice spoke out and said – “What is more painful – going to the gym and working out, or being this unhappy with how you feel?”  I cannot really explain where this voice came from, but the wisdom was there.  I am not happy where I currently am and I have the ability to choose a way to move out of it.  So I packed up my stuff and headed to the gym.

The freedom really comes in changing my approach to the decisions I am making in my life.  Tonight the answer was that trying something new was less painful then staying where I was.  However, this is not always the case.  When using the knowledge that when the time is right to change, I will change – it has taken the guilt out of the process.  I find I don’t beat myself up for what I “should” be doing; I simply accept where I am and know that a new day or moment, will bring a chance to make a new choice.  This concept gives me power – when I am ready, when I decide, when I choose – all the power lies with me. 

The wisdom for this Wednesday can be summarized as this:

When staying stuck is worse then moving forward – that is when change will occur.  Be kind and gentle with yourself, when the time is right, you will choose a door and move through to find a new path.